I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
