Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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