He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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