I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
