you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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