My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
