Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
