We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
