Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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