So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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