you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
