This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
