for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
