his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
