Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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