So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
