need another drink. this is the easiest way
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
