Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
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