Jerry, you need to find god
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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