yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
