mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
