The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
