Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
