its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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