no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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