Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
