doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Jerry, you need to find god
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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