yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
