I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
