do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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