A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
