Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
