He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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