You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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