if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
