i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
zippers are such a cool invention
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
