Having a random hookup so left but love u
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
