Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
