took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
