biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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