I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
