Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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