is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
