ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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