talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
