you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
