Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
