he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
