dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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