Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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