Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
